You Are Not Doing It Wrong Because You're Being Noisy

4 Apr

Let's talk about something that doesn't get said nearly enough.

You are allowed to make noise in labour. All the noise. Whatever noise your body needs to make.

There is no prize for silence. There is no gold star waiting at the end for anyone who managed to breathe their baby out without making a sound. And yet, somehow, the idea persists that quiet equals calm, and calm equals doing it right. That a "good" birth, a "controlled" birth, is a hushed one.

It isn't. Not for everyone. And it's time we said that out loud.

Where Does This Pressure Come From?

It comes from everywhere, honestly. From the cultural image of birth as something that should be endured gracefully. From well-meaning but misguided advice. From hypnobirthing, and I say this as someone who believes deeply in hypnobirthing, being misrepresented as a method that requires serene silence and softly closed lips throughout.

And sometimes, heartbreakingly, it comes from the people in the room.

I've been at births where a woman has been told by a midwife to keep quiet, to close her mouth, to hold the power in and send it downward rather than let it out. I understand the thinking behind it, there's a concept there about directed energy, about not dispersing what the body is building. I get it.

But here's what I know from standing in those rooms: some people cannot do that. Some people need to let it out. And when you tell them to suppress the very thing their body is reaching for, you don't help them go inward. You make them feel wrong. You add shame to an already enormous experience.

That is the last thing anyone needs when they're having a baby.

Sound Is Not a Sign of Losing Control

This is really important, so I want to say it clearly.

Moaning, groaning, roaring, that low deep animal sound that seems to come from somewhere ancient and wordless, none of that means someone is panicking, spiralling, or failing to cope. Often it means exactly the opposite. It means the body has found a channel. It means the breath is moving. It means that person is in their labour, fully present with it, riding the wave instead of fighting it.

I have watched women moo through contractions, genuinely, beautifully, bovinely, and birth their babies with complete power and dignity. I have heard roars that made the walls vibrate and seen the most incredible, capable humans on the other side of them.

That is not chaos. That is birth.

And If You're Quiet? Also Perfect.

None of this is to say that silence is wrong either. Some people go deep and still. Some people find that a soft hum or slow breath is all they need. Some people are naturally quiet throughout, that's not performance that's just who they are and how their body works.

The point isn't that one is better. The point is that neither is wrong.

What matters is what works for you. What your body reaches for. What helps you move through each surge and arrive at the other side of it.

If that's quiet breathing…wonderful. If that's a sound that rattles the windows…also wonderful. If it changes from one contraction to the next…completely fine.

A Note on Hypnobirthing

Because I want to be honest about this: hypnobirthing has sometimes been taught, or at least absorbed, in a way that suggests quiet is the goal. That if you've done it "properly," you'll be peaceful and still.

That's a limited reading of what hypnobirthing actually offers.

Hypnobirthing is about connection. To your body, your breath, your baby, and your own instincts. It's about releasing fear and moving through labour with as much ease as possible. Ease doesn't mean silent. Ease means working with your body instead of against it.

And sometimes your body is very, very loud.